But really, the truth is I miss you.

Too bad it doesn't matter.

And this is just how it is.





(I only get to be an angsty teenager for a few more months, I may as well use them well, eh?)

I miss Chicago.

I miss my best friends living either five floors up, or one/two buildings over either way.

I miss phenomenal public transportation for which I have a semester pass, which negates the fact that I have no car.

I miss the possibility of going to the zoo whenever I want, even though I only went once last year.

I miss having a Sally's in walking distance.

I miss having Subway, Walgreens, that used bookstore, MickeyD's (two of them), Portillos, the beach, a yarn shop, two grocery stores, a smaller library, and much more within walking distance.

I miss the fact that almost anywhere else I would want or need to go is easy to get to on a bus or L.

I miss Sean, my sort of trainer, though not for at least the past six months. Oh well.

I miss Wednesday night dinners with Sean and Anna (plus one or two or ten).

I miss psychotic evenings involving slightly drunk high schoolers we find on the beach with a fire going (it was freezing,
we were grateful).

I miss dressing up for class.

I miss having someone to go to when I need to cry, and for once don't want to cry alone.

I miss dance parties at five in the morning when my best friend's roommate is out of town.

I miss the rare nights my roommate and I went to bed at the same time and agreed it felt like a sleepover.

I miss meals I don't have to worry about or plan.

I miss having my own mailbox.

I miss having a five drawer dresser, since I'm better organized with it. I also miss my closet there.

I miss winter clothes.

I miss the place where for the first time I learned what friendship really was.

I miss my family at school. My brothers, Tyler and Josh; My sister Anna; My nephews, Taylor and Micah; My step-father, Sean.

I miss the relative independence.

I miss missing home, but being happy, instead of missing school, and not being that happy.

I miss easy access to a gym, even though I didn't use it too much.

I miss Culby 2 on Monday nights watching Chuck.

I miss the plaza.

I miss my room and our window, so perfectly situated so no one can really see in, even if it means a craapy view.

I miss my roommate, just in general. I miss her descriptions of people.

I miss listening to Josh play music or sing.

I miss sleep deprived nights with Anna.

I miss long walks with long talks that were much needed, but ended well.

I miss how easy it was to be with people if you wanted to be.

I miss classes, in a way.

I don't miss allnighters, but I miss the people I pulled them with.

I miss the feeling that maybe I'd figure out what I had a passion for.

I miss the experience of starting over. Here, my life is an accumulation or experiences, and mistakes. There, it's fresh.

I miss my friends.



But I can make it for one more month. And in the meantime, maybe finally make this summer something worth remembering for something other than a funeral and too much time spent doing nothing, because I don't want to do anything.

One month to make it good.

And then I get to go back.

Here goes.

So what, so I don't blog anymore. It's not like I used to blog all the time or anything. Or maybe I did... Woops.

Fine. I'll blog. Because, I sort of want to. I just never take the time.

This summer sucks.

Whenever anybody asks, I tell them it's fine, it's good, it's great. Or, if I feel like I can, maybe admit that's it's been pretty up and down.

But really, no, it just sucks.


1. Death and funeral of Grandma.

2. Always seem to be tired.

3. I miss my friends like fucking mad. Of my three closest, two are in Canada and one is in Madagascar. The first two I can talk to on facebook occasionally, but all three are essentially out of reach.

I just miss them. I need them, and I especially needed them about losing her. No one here is close enough to be of any help.

4. I've only seen one of my good friends here a decent amount. I don't seem to be able to successfully plan anything with the people I want to see. I've even seen Mike only once.

5. I spend way too much time doing absolutely nothing, yet always feel busy. This one kinda goes a long with the always feeling tired bit. I know it's a lot of being lazy, but I also just don't feel that good a lot of the time.

5. Guys and situations surrounding them just suck.

6. I thought I'd get more hours working. Nope. Nice to have more free time, I guess, but I'd be better off working. Need to pay school bills.


Ok, I'm done with that. I just needed to write it out, see if maybe I was just being silly in feeling like it was sucky, but yeah, I think it really is.

Anyways, it's not that far onto summer, so things can get better.

I'm shooting for that.

Oh, hey look! It's once a month now!

See you soon, maybe.

Percent of semester completed = 48%.

Days till I have to register for classes = 2.

Days till spring break = 4, 5 till I go home.

Projects left = 1, due friday.

Should have started project = Before now.

Other homework = Moderate.

Do I know what classes I'm signing up for? Mostly, but not really. And I can;'t create a schedule till I do. Luckily I'm meeting with my adviser tomorrow, to figure how to arrange my schedule to suit the fact my major is not a solid deal yet, without setting my back on either option in the future. It's all crazy.

Tomorrow is Day of Prayer, which means a weird schedule. As in, I have to get up two hours earlier than normal for a Wednesday. Tragic. Sort of. Ok, no not really, but its not ideal.

J, I told you I'd blog and here it is, I never promised it would make sense or be any particular length...

But yep. Spring break... A+ to Moody for the two week spring break idea. I need the sun. This winter...thing...just isn't working for me. I like the snow! But maybe just the concept of snow. Or vacations in snow? Living with the stuff? It probably wouldn't bother me as much outside the city, which adds to the lack of sun... Anna said a while back that I would probably end up with SAD. Smart girl.

But, good side! Monday was Anna's 21st. We didnt really do anything, we got to Moody after all, but I did give her a titanium spork! (thinkgeek.com) For some reason, she really wanted one... it being the spork of the gods and all.

What else is good? Ummm well I survived another Tuesday, that's good! Remind me to avoid night classes after this...

Chuck started up again yesterday! Silly Olympics overruled it for awhile there, so I was glad to have Monday night Chuck with Ang Ty and Bob again.

Im'ma go to homework...but not something thats due soon. Yeah, shush.

If I see the words "It's Merry Christmas not Happy Holidays!!" one more time I'm gonna smack you. Yes, its Christmas, but. you're just turning people off. If I know a Jewish person, I will have no problem wishing them a Happy Hanukkah (Sp?) because that is what they celebrate, and I would hope they would be able to say Merry Christmas back to me if they know that is what I celebrate. Why would you wish that person a merry something you know they don't celebrate? You're causing heated debates, not spreading Jesus - which is what you're supposed to be doing. Um, ever heard of "God is love"? Amd yeah, I know, ironic that I don't sound very loving here... Sigh. And don't get me started on the "It's NOT Xmas!!" thing.

This isn't written to anyone that will actually read it here... I just needed a good rant.

It is snowing. Ergo, I am happy.

And yes, this does deserve an entire blogpost.

Neopets! Yes, it does count.



   

I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

I'm only getting four hours of sleep tonight.

Don't you think it's a bit much to expect me to get up and have breakfast with you at 7:15 when we stopped talking on facebook at 3:30?

And yet, I'm setting my alarm for two hours before I have class.

I'm going to go listen to that Pink Floyd cd you burned me now, then sleep.

You know, even if this doesn't turn into anything of that sort, I've found a good friend in you. If nothing else, you're good for me.

-Me

with the Chicago Public Library.



It was meant to be <3